Total Drama Equal and Opposite Reaction
by 39110
Summary: "As Alberta Einstein once said, 'for every action there must be an equal and opposite reaction.' So with this logic, I declare that for every Total Drama Action there must be a Total Drama Equal and Opposite RE-Action! We are back, baby! And this season, 14 contestants from all three generations will be painfully attempting to claim another million dollars!"


The camera faded into a scene of Chris McLean leaning against a tree, his arms crossed and one foot planted against the trunk. His slightly unnatural stance left the viewer wondering how long he was posed frozen in that exact position. "Ahh, the cool breeze. The crisp, refreshing air. The absence of toxic waste and mutant animals. The completely real flora and fauna that this bee-you-tee-full island has to offer! Sure is great! Ya know, I've really missed this place. You, Chef?" Chris ran a hand through his freshly blown out waves of dark hair, which was slightly stiff from the ungodly amounts of hair products he applied.

The camera panned nearby to Chef swatting at mosquitoes and shielding his eyes from the blazing sun. "Oh hell no! I ain't missed this island one bit!"

Chris ignored the angry chef and continued, "How many interns did it take to bring back the island again? Like thirty? And we only lost twelve! It's a true miracle that we managed to salvage both the McLean Spa Hotel and the confessional outhouse from underwater."

"You might want to retrieve their bodies from underwater too."

"Nah, sharks probably got them," Chris waved his hand nonchalantly and smirked. "Speaking of sharks, I haven't seen Fang lately, Chef. The last I heard about him was his appearance on Shark Shank, but that was like two years ago. I'm a bit worried about the poor guy. Do you think he, uh, you know…" Chris trailed off, his face morphing into a look of concern.

Chris pondered to himself, "Maybe he found a better job? Nah, there's no better job than Total Drama! I've got to call some people to bring Fang back for the new season."

* * *

"What do you mean 'Fang isn't available?' I've got two contracts here, and I'm not afraid to sue!…You want to sue me? That ain't happening, dude!" Chris covered the microphone and turned to Chef, "Lawyers, amirite?" He chuckled with no amusement at all.

Not waiting for a response from other man, Chris continued, "Well, I'll have to get back to you with my legal team at another time, so expect us to be contacting you again shortly." Chris tapped the "end call" button as forcefully as a middle aged woman chilling in Cedar Rapids.

"Damn! I sounded professional as hell right there!" Chris proudly declared before turning to complain to Chef, "Che-ef, I thought you were supposed to handle all the legal stuff"

"Not until I get that bonus I sure ain't!" Chef retorted.

"Umm, oh okay, whatever. We'll just have to ignore them until they come looking for me again," Chris was avoidant of the topic of payment and immediately switched the topic. "But I'm also waiting on a call from the network about using the McLean Warehouse and Distribution Center for filming-which should be an obvious green light considering that I literally own the place.

"In the meantime, I'll need you to man the helicopter to pick up the kids, boss around the interns to prepare for the new season, and do a few other things."

Chef gave a quizzical look, anticipating having to test a few life-endangering stunts and challenges, "Will I have to do anything…uhh…?"

"Worry not my man. Neither you nor the interns will have to test anything because safety regulations aren't as strict as they used to be." Chris smiled.

Chef appeared visibly relieved, but he still had some concerns. "Aight. You sure that doesn't increase your liability if someone gets hurt in a challenge?"

Again, Chris changed the topic. "Umm, I dunno, but I _do_ know that I need to stage a draw for the contestants, so when we're recording, I'll seem like I'm choosing randomly when it's actually rigged."

"And how will you do that?" asked Chef.

"Only the names of contestants I want to compete will be put into the draw: Alejandro, Brick, Courtney, Duncan, Eva, Gwen, Heather, Izzy, Jasmine, Jo, Lightning, Owen, Scott, and Sky," Chris quickly listed. "Here, lemme write it down." The host patted his shirt pockets and tried to reach inside, finding out the squares of fabric were sewn shut. _Mental note: never buy clothes from the women's section again._ He took a pen and an 8.5 x 11 inch legal pad out of his pants pocket and scribbled for a bit. He handed the piece of paper to Chef, "Go tell the interns to prepare this, and make sure only these names get put into the hat." Chris's phone suddenly rang, and he stepped to the side to answer it.

"About time…yeah I thought so. Tomorrow? Why can't we start filming there today?…Yeah yeah, yada yada…You don't need to clear out the rats or the bugs, but make sure that random hobo that keeps showing up and stealing McLean Brand Hot Chocolate is out of there ASAP…Yep, bye."

* * *

Chef made his way toward the interns' living quarters with the sheet of paper stuffed into his pocket. He absentmindedly kicked at a cluster of styrofoam prop rocks. "Why do I have to do everything?" Chef wondered aloud. "Pretty boy Chris getting his dumb hair did and face all made up while I do all the actual work. I have never _once_ been offered a facial, and Chris gets one _every week_!" He jammed his toe into the rocks repeatedly, denting the already oddly shaped sculptures. "I'm always looking like the unprepared idiot while he gets all the pre-production attention. Well let's see how he likes it when he ain't prepared." Chef grunted as he knocked on the door of the small shack that the interns resided in.

A tall guy with shaggy black hair and piercings wearing a standard intern uniform opened the door, "Yes?"

"Chris needs you kids to write some contestant names on little pieces of paper so he can take 'em out and read them to choose all the competitors for the season."

"Any specific names?"

"Sure, but it don't matter. I'm gonna relax at the Spa Hotel, and y'all better not bother me," Chef threatened the intern. He took off his hat and held it out, "Put the names in here when you're done."

"Yessir," the intern accepted the chef hat and closed the door. Chef Hatchet exhaled and whistled as he strolled towards the Spa Hotel. He anticipated soaking in the hot tub, getting a full body massage, and treating himself to a mani-pedi. "Self care ain't selfish," he repeated to himself, " but Chris McLean is one selfish motherfucker."

* * *

Hello! This is my first major story wow! I've never considered myself much of a writer, but idk I felt kinda inspired. The idea for this whole season has been in my mind for _years_, but I didn't start carrying out my ideas and writing it out until rather recently. However, there's a few scenes I did write way back when I first had the idea. This will be a 13 episode season with 14 contestants. Please review and tell me what you think! Send feedback and constructive criticism!

Next time on TDEAOR…

We catch up with some potential contestants, and those who will compete are revealed and introduced.


End file.
